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If you change nothing, nothing will change: my fertility story …

2 August 2019 By Victoria Smith Leave a Comment

 

Sitting here at my computer typing this with one hand, whilst I rock my 4-week old daughter in her pram as she finally drifts off for a nap, I have been thinking recently about my fertility journey now that I am finally on the other side of the mountain that is trying to have a family. New figures in the news this week reveal that the birth rate in the UK has fallen to its lowest level in 80 years and fertility rates have fallen in women of all ages except, interestingly, those aged 40 and over, where they have remained the same 1. At nearly 42, I have become an older new mum to my second child. When I was a child, my mum was 43 when my younger sister was born and I can distinctly remember thinking that my mum was ancient! How times have changed since the late 1970s and nowadays so many more of us are becoming parents in our 40s. There may be many reasons for this changing trend, for example, financial and social reasons, career choices, health reasons or simply, as in my case, not meeting my husband until later on in life. However, the flip side to this is that so many people are leaving starting a family to later in life and then unfortunately having fertility problems.

For us it’s been a mammoth 6-year journey of enormous highs and, with it, the corresponding desperate lows. Our journey started one summer evening in a Caribbean garden in 2013 when my husband and I, whilst feeling very relaxed on holiday, first started talking about the idea of starting a family. Oh, looking back on that time, I am struck with the simplicity and naivety of the thought that it would be easy for us, as it had been (or seemed to be) for many of our friends. Fast-forward 6 years later and 2 ectopic pregnancies, a miscarriage and 3 cycles of IVF along the way, we are finally the proud parents of two beautiful girls and our family is now complete. But this has not come without some cost, emotionally, physically and financially. It has felt as though the last 6 years have been ‘Project Baby’ and the relief of finally being able to move on from this part of our lives is now truly palpable.

What have I learnt along the way on my journey and also from speaking to many of my clients who are facing their own unique fertility journeys? It is so important to have a plan, a roadmap to help you navigate this path, which can, at times, feel so lonely, desolate and hopeless. Otherwise, there is a danger of loosing direction, feeling lost and abandoning hope. For those of us who are struggling or have struggled to conceive, infertility can make us feel totally inadequate. I often felt as though I was looking in from the outside of life, never quite deserving to be in the centre, where people with young families were. I remember so very well the ambivalent and confusing feelings as yet another friend fell pregnant with what seemed like incredible ease; I even had friends who were falling pregnant accidently! Of course I was delighted for them, but inside it was further acknowledgment of just how my body had failed me time and time again.

However, I turned this despair around and decided I was going to do everything I could to improve our chances of conceiving, whether naturally or ultimately, in our case, in preparation for the assisted route. My fertility journey turned all aspects of my life upside down and ultimately led me to retrain from my previous career as a vet to becoming a Nutritional Therapist, as I wanted to help other women (and men) who were trying to navigate their fertility journeys. I had to look at all areas of my life in order to turn my fertility around: from my nutrition, lifestyle, supplementation, toxic exposure, exercise and activity levels, stress levels, my ability to relax and how positive my mindset was. Indeed these are all areas I now explore with my clients who are looking to increase their chances of pregnancy success. If you are struggling with your fertility I want you to know that you are not alone but I urge you to be proactive about it. The phrase ‘If you change nothing, nothing will change,’ which I repeated to myself during our journey resonated with me and I slowly started making changes, one by one. But change is hard and sometimes it can take a bit of support and guidance to kick-start us into making those changes.

I did improve our chances of pregnancy success and ultimately improved my fertility, despite being nearly 42 when I had my second daughter. In fact, all the changes I made actually improved my egg quality, fertilisation rate and embryo quality, which were quantifiable at our second fresh IVF cycle when I was 41, compared to our first cycle 3 years earlier. It is never too late to start and there is always something that can be done to improve your fertility; there is always hope even if you are in your 40s. That is the message I want to leave you with, although there were times over the last 6 years that I felt despairing, I never gave up hope and I hung onto the thought that, for many of us, having a family is a marathon and not a sprint. In my case it was a 6-year marathon but I am finally over the finish line. Let me help you create a bespoke plan for your marathon training and ultimately support you to cross over your finish line too.

 

  1. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/08/01/birth-rate-lowest-since-records-began-families-opt-environmentally/

 

Filed Under: Fertility

About Victoria Smith

My name is Victoria Smith. I’m a Registered Nutritional Therapist & Health Coach, and I’m passionate about helping people take control of their health in small achievable steps.

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It’s amazing that women and men are now beginnin It’s amazing that women and men are now beginning to talk about the perimenopause
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For too long it’s been swept under the carpet, ignored or worse, made fun of.
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The perimenopause is like the rebellious younger sister of the menopause.
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It is a stage in a women’s life where you are still having periods, but you may start noticing they are becoming irregular and other symptoms start appearing. This can start as early as 35.
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The menopause is only one day and marks the one-year anniversary since your last period. The average age is 51. 
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So, what are some of the symptoms of the perimenopause?
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•. Irregular cycles and changes to menstrual flow
•  Depression and anxiety
•  Rage 
•  Joint and muscle pain
•  Brain fog
•  Poor memory and concentration
•. Vaginal dryness and painful sex
•. Insomnia
•  Night sweats or hot flushes
•  Low bone density 
•  Panic attacks
•  Headaches and migraines
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The list is endless! And it is estimated that 13 million women in the UK are either perimenopausal or postmenopausal.
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If you are experiencing any of these symptoms and are in your late 30s onwards, you could well be in the perimenopause.
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The first port of call should be your GP. But the menopause is more than just about oestrogen and there is a lot you can do naturally to support yourself through this stage. 
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When you make simple changes to your diet and lifestyle, so that you balance your blood sugar, support your digestion and reduce stress levels in your life, amazing things start to happen.
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You go from feeling exhausted, foggy and irritable to feeling calmer, more energised and more confident in yourself again.
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Send me a DM if you want to know more x
If, like me, you like a glass of wine or two but a If, like me, you like a glass of wine or two but are aware that drinking too much can be harmful for your health, how do you find a happy medium?
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I have had times in my life where I haven’t drunk at all (before and during my two pregnancies and also during a prolonged 10-month break in 2021) and I have times in my life where I found myself drinking more than I should (during 2020).
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Neither is a happy place for me. 
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I enjoy having a glass or two of good quality wine at the weekend and the marking of a different time of the week.
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But I do not enjoy the disrupted sleep, irritability, sugar cravings, weight gain and tiredness that comes with drinking too much.
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Let’s be honest, it is easy for one glass to turn into a bottle and before you know it you're drinking well over the recommended 14 units of alcohol for both women and men a week.
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I would advise keeping it to below 10 units a week.
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So, how can you still enjoy a drink but keep it in hand? Here are my top tips:
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🍷 Get real and track how much you are drinking.  The @drinkaware_trust app is a useful tool for this.
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🍷Plan to have some alcohol-free days. I have at least 4 a week.
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🍷 Buy yourself a special small wine glass. This is absolutely key to keeping on top of how much you are drinking at home. I have one that is 140mls, so it is a good size for a small 125mls glass of wine. 
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🍷Learn to savour each mouthful and slow down. 
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I often have a couple of small glasses on a Friday and Saturday night and then possibly the odd glass on a Sunday. I don’t drink Monday to Thursday.
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This is just over 8 units a week. It may not be for everyone, but for me feels like a happy medium and realistic in the longterm.
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What are your strategies to keep your alcohol intake in hand? I'd love to hear x
For two years after I had my second daughter, I th For two years after I had my second daughter, I thought I was going mad. 
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I was a mum to a toddler in my mid-40s and I was supposed to be tired, right?
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But this was different
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I was so forgetful
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It wasn’t just things like where my keys were or forgetting friends’ birthdays or what I had walked into a room for
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It was more that it didn’t even cross my mind to remember things. Almost as though parts of my brain were missing
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On many occasions I worried that this might be the beginning of early onset dementia.
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What I realise now is that I had brain fog, which is a common symptom of the peri-menopause
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At the time it didn’t cross my mind that I might be peri-menopausal. Wasn’t the menopause something that happened in your 50s and was all about hot flushes, insomnia and night sweats?
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Brain fog is a common symptom caused by declining oestrogen and testosterone levels. Add in increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which also has a negative effect on memory and brain function and you get a perfect storm in your mid-40s. 
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So, what did I do about it? I tweaked my diet, added in more rest and took the right supplements to help support my memory and brain function. 
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And now, my brain fog has lifted. I feel clearer, less anxious about it and more myself again.
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For many women HRT may also be a good option and the first port of call is to go and talk to your GP. But there is a lot you can do alongside this to support the peri-menopause. 
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I am excited to be running a new small group programme called Sail Through the Perimenopause starting on Thursday 9th June. 
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This is for you if you would like support to have more mental clarity, energy and confidence. 
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Send me a DM if you want to know more x
There is so much in the news at the moment on the There is so much in the news at the moment on the menopause thanks to @davinamccall 
 
Finally, this important area of health is getting airtime
 
Women’s midlife hormones are no longer the butt of jokes
 
And people are now understanding that the symptoms of brain fog, anxiety and loss of confidence are real and distressing for millions of women.
 
This is an area I am passionate about
 
Supporting women to rebalance their midlife hormones
 
Teaching them to make simple tweaks to their nutrition
 
Guiding them on how to look after themselves better
 
Helping to bring themselves back to life
 
When they begin to prioritise themselves for the first time in years
 
The changes can be extraordinary
 
Take my client who went from feeling overwhelmed, anxious and that she couldn’t cope to feeling on top of things, more relaxed and more present with her family.
 
Or my client who went from feeling worn-out and unimportant to feeling that she was nourishing herself for the first time in years, feeling more connected to the joy in her life and enjoying time being active with her family.
 
Or my client who went from feeling anxious and that she was no longer herself and a passive spectator in her life to feeling calmer, happier and more energised to live her life fully.
 
It is easier than you think to feel better, calmer and more yourself again.
 
Send me a message if you would like my help too
 
I am here when you are ready x
How to overcome the fear of failure around change How to overcome the fear of failure around change and move forwards in your life
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